Day 14.
I suppose it's traditional at the end of any major undertaking to maybe take a few moments to wax lyrical about the experience; how you felt it changed you both as a person and as part of a larger whole. Certainly I had thought of doing that, but frankly I've only really got one thing to leave you with, and that's...
I DIDN'T DIE, AND FRANKLY THE SCARS WILL GO, MAINLY!
I hope I've kept you entertained over the last couple of weeks. I know I've enjoyed doing it and it was nice to see so many "likes*".
I'll probably do another update when Jay and the kids are back, but for now at least let me leave you with a few pro-tips that I've picked up.
1) Although cat food isn't a million miles from human food, don't.
2) Never trust wild mushroom guides off the Internet
3) Remember to wear clothes while shopping.
4) The barter system really is dead. It'll just cause embarrassment for both you and the shopkeep.
5) Don't let your wife and kids leave for so long. You'll miss them.
*Yay for meaningless Internet karma!
Mark
Sunday, 18 August 2013
Left on my own again 2012 - day 13 - Last Day!
Day 13
Sorry for delay. I had to attend another party. I'm turning in to a proper socialite it seems. I'll have my picture in Heat next I reckon. I think I can hear the paparazzi outside actually or chavs. Can't tell.
Was a really good surprise birthday party for my brother. Loads of people turned up, as did the worst rain of August but we didn't let it ruin the fun.
Food was very good. I hope they didn't mind me taking a doggy bag home (well, more of a rucksack really. Ok well more like a rucksack, two carrier bags and a bin liner*), but should keep me going until Jay gets back tomorrow.
Suppose I'd better go do some housework. Those stains won't come out of the carpet by themselves will they!
Bye!
*and a holdall.
Saturday, 17 August 2013
An Ancient Hill
I've been known to poem occasionally. Here is my latest.
--
Quietly I sit, letting my breath become one with the chirruping crickets, cheeky fingers of wind tickle the back of my neck.
Splashes of liquid sun glide over the golden fields below me, gnarled stands of Juniper and Hawthorn keep watch as centuries roll on.
I long to join them on their journey of eons, whilst all round me are oblivious to the beauty. They bustle on, missing out.
--
Sunday 11th August 2013
Butser Hill
--
Quietly I sit, letting my breath become one with the chirruping crickets, cheeky fingers of wind tickle the back of my neck.
Splashes of liquid sun glide over the golden fields below me, gnarled stands of Juniper and Hawthorn keep watch as centuries roll on.
I long to join them on their journey of eons, whilst all round me are oblivious to the beauty. They bustle on, missing out.
--
Sunday 11th August 2013
Butser Hill
Friday, 16 August 2013
Left on my own again 2013 - Day 12 - Preperations
Day 12.
That was a long week.
Even though I only did three days. It's the thought that counts and I think everyone else was ok with it. Right guys? GUYS?
So, we're on the final stretch now. Jay and the kids are home on midday Monday and I can't wait to see them. It's a fine time having a little me time, but me time isn't fun time with just one. It needs more. It needs family.
*violins*
Anyone else hear that? Anyhoo, I've started the preparations for their homecoming. The house is in some semblance of order, there's hardly any washing for Jay to do when she gets back (well she has had a holiday!), and I've found out that you can wash* shoes in the dishwasher, so that will clear the smell somewhat. I've even hoovered! I've got a bone to pick with you James Dyson - "Never loses suction" HAH! Bet you never tested them with a cat up it. That reminds me, I need to do something tomorrow.
I've even managed to get the shopping done so there is food in! and sweets. Lots of sweets. (They're a food group! I'm sure Brian Cox told me once).
The skip should be picked up tomorrow so that's some of the evidence gone right there. I doubt she'll miss the curtains anyway.
Ooh! Hair cut day tomorrow too; try and see if we can't smooth out some of the burnt patches. I'm going to try the barter system again at the barbers I think. Surely they'll accept eggs, or some nice sausages for a trim. That's a bargain that is.
Night all. X
*possibly too descriptive.
That was a long week.
Even though I only did three days. It's the thought that counts and I think everyone else was ok with it. Right guys? GUYS?
So, we're on the final stretch now. Jay and the kids are home on midday Monday and I can't wait to see them. It's a fine time having a little me time, but me time isn't fun time with just one. It needs more. It needs family.
*violins*
Anyone else hear that? Anyhoo, I've started the preparations for their homecoming. The house is in some semblance of order, there's hardly any washing for Jay to do when she gets back (well she has had a holiday!), and I've found out that you can wash* shoes in the dishwasher, so that will clear the smell somewhat. I've even hoovered! I've got a bone to pick with you James Dyson - "Never loses suction" HAH! Bet you never tested them with a cat up it. That reminds me, I need to do something tomorrow.
I've even managed to get the shopping done so there is food in! and sweets. Lots of sweets. (They're a food group! I'm sure Brian Cox told me once).
The skip should be picked up tomorrow so that's some of the evidence gone right there. I doubt she'll miss the curtains anyway.
Ooh! Hair cut day tomorrow too; try and see if we can't smooth out some of the burnt patches. I'm going to try the barter system again at the barbers I think. Surely they'll accept eggs, or some nice sausages for a trim. That's a bargain that is.
Night all. X
*possibly too descriptive.
Thursday, 15 August 2013
Left on my own again 2013 - Day 11 - Something I ate
Day 11
Oh god.
Ohgodohgodohgod.
Why did I drink so much of that fermented liquid I was offered last night. I have spent most of the day in a kind of stupor. Not wanting to move too much in case I lost the £4.95 big breakfast from Morrison's that the Internet told me would be a good curative. It's nearly a fiver after all.
I was kindly offered a sofa to crash on last night, I was all prepared to get a taxi home so that was a nice bonus. Probably for the best though as I don't know if you are well versed in the taxi's of Portsmouth? I can't speak eastern European when I'm sober so bugger trying to direct Alexander Alexandrovich* when I'm under the weather.
Also, does anyone else get that kind regret/guilty feeling when they wake up after a night on it? Just me? Great.
Called on the take-away fairy again today. It's not good for my waist-line but I'm keeping the New Golden Leaf afloat in this global financial crisis so I consider myself a force for good in the neighbourhood. They probably don't agree, and I'm not sure why they leave my order on the step outside with the door locked. Kinda odd.
Not long until Jay and the kids are back, Facetimed them earlier, they were off out to a Karaoke bar, all look nicely tanned, they've had enough of the heat now and want to come back. Just hope I can get the stains out before then.
Arrivederci!
*kind of a cop-out stereotypical name, but best I could do, you know, NOT being Russian.
Oh god.
Ohgodohgodohgod.
Why did I drink so much of that fermented liquid I was offered last night. I have spent most of the day in a kind of stupor. Not wanting to move too much in case I lost the £4.95 big breakfast from Morrison's that the Internet told me would be a good curative. It's nearly a fiver after all.
I was kindly offered a sofa to crash on last night, I was all prepared to get a taxi home so that was a nice bonus. Probably for the best though as I don't know if you are well versed in the taxi's of Portsmouth? I can't speak eastern European when I'm sober so bugger trying to direct Alexander Alexandrovich* when I'm under the weather.
Also, does anyone else get that kind regret/guilty feeling when they wake up after a night on it? Just me? Great.
Called on the take-away fairy again today. It's not good for my waist-line but I'm keeping the New Golden Leaf afloat in this global financial crisis so I consider myself a force for good in the neighbourhood. They probably don't agree, and I'm not sure why they leave my order on the step outside with the door locked. Kinda odd.
Not long until Jay and the kids are back, Facetimed them earlier, they were off out to a Karaoke bar, all look nicely tanned, they've had enough of the heat now and want to come back. Just hope I can get the stains out before then.
Arrivederci!
*kind of a cop-out stereotypical name, but best I could do, you know, NOT being Russian.
Left on my own again 2013 - day 10 - paaaaarrty
Day 10
I've been invited to party to celebrate a "birthday".
I think they have accepted me.
I've been offered food cooked over an open fire, fermented liquid and cake. All going good so far.
There are balloons.
I've been invited to party to celebrate a "birthday".
I think they have accepted me.
I've been offered food cooked over an open fire, fermented liquid and cake. All going good so far.
There are balloons.
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
Left on my own again 2013 - Day 9 - Sweet and Sour
Day 9
Bin day! Remembered to put them out. I'm a good lad. I'm not sure the bin man agreed, but I'll tell you what I think. I think it's a man's inalienable right to hide in a bin. The look on his face was priceless. I'm not sure if it was shock at finding a giggling fool in the bin or the fact I'm not recyclable and he was at a moral crossroads. In the end he just backed away slowly, giving me a thousand yard stare.
I was woken this morning to a pathetic mewing sound coming from James's room. I'd only gone and shut the cat in there all night. I had to make sure she hadn't pissed in James's lego box (again), because, damn, that was an unpleasant thing to have to clean up last time. Why the lego box? It can't be the most comfortable thing in the world to piss in. Stupid animals, no wonder we're the dominant species, (or perhaps they just let us think that?) I'm keeping an eye on muffin. (snigger, that sounded rude).
Sweet and sour from a jar for dinner. Turned out more sour and sour, and really Uncle Ben's, I don't think it should corrode a metal spoon like that. I'm no cordon bleu but honestly that can't be good for me. I'm building up the confidence to try it. I feel for my fillings, it's going to be like eating tin foil.
Anyway, kuona baadaye as they say* in Swahili.
*Probably
Bin day! Remembered to put them out. I'm a good lad. I'm not sure the bin man agreed, but I'll tell you what I think. I think it's a man's inalienable right to hide in a bin. The look on his face was priceless. I'm not sure if it was shock at finding a giggling fool in the bin or the fact I'm not recyclable and he was at a moral crossroads. In the end he just backed away slowly, giving me a thousand yard stare.
I was woken this morning to a pathetic mewing sound coming from James's room. I'd only gone and shut the cat in there all night. I had to make sure she hadn't pissed in James's lego box (again), because, damn, that was an unpleasant thing to have to clean up last time. Why the lego box? It can't be the most comfortable thing in the world to piss in. Stupid animals, no wonder we're the dominant species, (or perhaps they just let us think that?) I'm keeping an eye on muffin. (snigger, that sounded rude).
Sweet and sour from a jar for dinner. Turned out more sour and sour, and really Uncle Ben's, I don't think it should corrode a metal spoon like that. I'm no cordon bleu but honestly that can't be good for me. I'm building up the confidence to try it. I feel for my fillings, it's going to be like eating tin foil.
Anyway, kuona baadaye as they say* in Swahili.
*Probably
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